Emotional Hook: KINDRED
Frankly, it’s difficult to point to much of an hook here beyond the recognizable overuse of exclamation points and the, Hey, they’re just like us! prompt used in grade-school Social Studies lessons. But make no mistake: Russian cat ladies are just like Western cat ladies.
Graphic Appeal: NO SOVIET VICTORY BANNER
Nobody likes wall posters, handbills, and banners more than the Russians; they were originally put into heavy use for those who were unable to read. So while this public notice lacks the power, majesty, and implied threat of government propaganda, it’s fun to throw that stereotype around at the expense of a deaf cat.
Climate Durability: LIMITED
Copy paper needs protection. This specimen had none, although our D.I.E.D. operative noted that most were posted indoors. If you’ve ever wondered just how long a missing pet flyer might last in a Siberian winter, and you know you have, here’s your answer: the one we nabbed and archived has lasted the longest.
Coherency Index: UNNECESSARY TIDBITS
Translated, the cat’s description reads, “large white cat,” which is a bit unnecessary given the large white cat in the sample image provided. And while it would appear that brevity and clarity won out over back-burner elements like fawning, begging, and excuse making, including the pet’s name seems pointless because it’s deaf. There’s no way for it to “come when called.” Nevertheless, since we agree that a telltale sign of heartache is too much information, we won’t hold that against this despondent owner. “Very affectionate” is arguably the only truly worthless information here, but it does make us hope someone in the neighborhood will actually nab the animal and find out for him or herself if that’s a sidesplitting lie.
Fourteen of these were counted by our collector in Tomsk, Siberia. All were posted in and around a single train station, which makes sense because we all know how much house cats love snowy, clanging, bustling, boot-stomping, ear piercing rail yards that are constantly being rumbled through by 300-ton locomotives.
Futility Factor: NEW HOME
When one imagines Siberia, a lotta white comes to mind, so it’s hard to picture this creature lasting very long out there. On the other hand, even domesticated Siberian cats can be highly acrobatic, practically fearless, and relatively impervious to being cold and wet. They were carved by the elements to survive, so perhaps this one avoided the train station altogether made it to where someone could test his affection.
Bonus Points/Cheap Shots:
Oooohhh…we forgot for a second that the cat is deaf. That makes it a lot less likely that Fluffski here managed to avoid the clanging, bustling, boot-stomping, and ear piercing associated with an oncoming train.