Emotional Hook: SLOBBER
Is there such a thing as a bulldog that wasn’t sick? Wasn’t wheezy? Wasn’t gasssy? Wasn’t named Champ, Jake, Butch, Joe, Max, or Blackie?
Have you ever seen a Bulldog that didn’t walk as if all four of its legs were healing from fractures?
Can any bulldog keep its category-5 Bukkake saliva in its own mouth?
And hey, how ‘bout a bulldog that didn’t look like a friggin’ lawn mushroom? Anyone?
Graphic Appeal: WINSTON CHURCHILL
Big clear picture? Good, assuming the rear half of Butch does, in fact, exist. Penmanship? Not so good. Vague “$$$” Priceless, literally.
Climate Durability: BETTER SHAPE THAN BUTCH
Again, the erosion here is typical of three to four weeks in the always dazzlingly gorgeous, life renewing, Southern California climate. An asthmatic lost dog in that same climate? Not so much.
Coherency Index: RASPBERRY BERET
Okay then, was Butch a fan of Prince, or is that an arrow pointing potential Samaritans’ eyes to his jumbo mug shot? Did you assume people would get lost somewhere between “Butch” and the image? Did you?
Saturation: AMBULANCE CHASER
It isn’t known if the neighborhood was tagged with a lot of these, because ‘ol Butch here was recovered at the site of a traffic accident. As the fire crew and paramedics were extracting a victim from a car, our archivist was forced to wait until the messed up dude was on the gurney before the opportunity arose to snatch “Butch” from the telephone pole his Toyota had nailed in the course of the wreck. (Bonus points!)
Futility Factor: SAFE BETS AND CIGARETTES
This is a sick, wheezy bulldog: how hard could it be? I say, smoke ’em if you got ’em, ’cause Butch will be (or was) a quick find.
Cheap Shots/Additional Comments:
Watching an excited two-year old bulldog is amusing and sad at the same time.