Emotional Hook: TURN OFF
Probably not the best idea to open with a confession that you only had the dog for an hour before it took off. Plus, Dodger’s run-in with the car sounds like negligent pet care to us. And of course we gotta ask: were you the cruel a-hole who named a dog so clearly lacking in evasion skills Dodger? It’s hard to imagine that this poor guy lived through his first hour of freedom, even, so we’ll just hope a good Samaritan found him before he dragged himself into the path of those skate teens up the street.
Graphic Appeal: RORSCHACH TEST
Come on! This is so incomprehensible it’s hard to look at. Even worse, the two words here that are most difficult to read are “please” and “thanks.”
Climate Durability: TOO GOOD
Card stock, really? What purpose did card stock serve, except to prolong shame?
Coherency Index: SCATTERED
The most entertaining element is an overuse of exclamation points. It’s almost as if the over-the-top enthusiasm is intended to make up for a lack of sincerity.
The conveyor of this specimen claims to have seen “at least 20” of these posted on telephone poles and bus benches in her immediate neighborhood. And it’s not that big a neighborhood.
Futility Factor: COYOTE BREAKFAST
Dodger was obviously not well-named. But car tires or coyotes, hopefully Dodger’s painful, short, neglected life ended quickly.
Cheap Shots/Bonus Points:
Where’d you get a dog with a broken pelvis, anyway? Animal rescue operations aren’t known for having a “too late to save” category, any more than they are for offering unwanted pets for ritual sacrifice. So help us out here. If someone really had called to say they’d found Dodger, would your response have been, “Great! Now we can get him to the vet to fix that” – ? Looks like you can’t even afford a cheapy word processor. And that you let [someone’s] dog run into the street.