Emotional Hook: Strangled by Bose®.
As far as wearing your headphones and sunglasses, Megan, Mofie would rather you put a tube sock over his head and roll him up in your Persian carpet. Besides, cats with such severe kick-face never accept being unattractive and live skulking, bitter lives.
Graphic Appeal: RACE WAR
When you offer only crappy black ‘n white pictures, nobody cares about the nationality of your missing cat. Himalayan? Rastafarian? M. Night Shyamalan? We need actionable information, Megan. Not a photocopy of the pics you’ve put up to “personalize” your cubicle.
Climate Durability: LEAVINGS
Why use 20-lb duct tape on copy paper that’s barely more burly than two bathroom tissues bonded together with your snot? Long after Mofie’s replacement has been named, the duct tape holding up shreds of this same flyer stayed, frayed, and decayed. Hmm. Not too aware of our carbon footprint, are we, Megan?
Coherency Index: THE MONEY’S AT MEGAN’S HOUSE
You underline your words to emphasize sincerity, huh? Does this mean that maybe you really-really-really want people to call you regardless of whether or not they find your dog? Well listen, if loneliness becomes debilitating for you at some point you’ve got a friend in us. We could talk about shoes, or social codes, or Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom, or maybe our own personal favorite: human extinction scenarios. Yeah! Will humans go out with a bang, or will we discover we’ve been living in a computer simulation? Will we get smooshed by a giant asteroid or will global warming get us?
So much to discuss!
Thanks for your address Megan!!
Saturation: CHAIN-LINK LETTERING
Your flyers were posted so close together you might as well have connected them. You really had to use that whole roll of tape, didn’t you?
Futility Factor: EASY REPLACEMENT
Living, as you appear to be, beneath coyote-infested Griffith Park, you should know that not many cuddle-bums like yours come home too often. But roommate turnover in the Franklin/Bronson neighborhood is soaring these days, and that’s good news. Between Beachwood and Wilton it’s a virtual petting zoo of leave-behinds. Mofie’s replacement is probably out there on the sidewalk right now!
Bonus Points/Cheap Shots:
So Megan, were these absurd pictures taken the night your boyfriend Jarred came out to you after that second bottle of chardonnay? Sorry, we’re all just curious.