Emotional Hook: HARPOONED
You had us at Neve Rosso Sprague. Whose eyebrows don’t raise at the pomposity? Who doesn’t wonder what in God’s name you were thinking? Who can resist repeating Neve Rosso Sprague over and over again, imagining to what else the name might be applied? You lost us on finding your cat, but we’re reading further ’cause you’re absurd.
Graphic Appeal: SNORE
Standard. Blah. Any anal-retentive liberal arts asthmatic can center images and text. It takes a predatory marketer to make traffic stop and children beg their parents to join the cause. And you, big spender, are no advertising shark.
Climate Durability: STANDARD
This specimen was in the best shape of those we found, with a two-month exposure being our best guess. Neve Rosso Sprague may have wandered further, but in search of what, knighthood?
Coherency Index: SHORTSIGHTED
Grinding salt into Sprague’s future wounds, you announce to other animals in the neighborhood that he has no fight instinct!? Not smart. Now even that divorcee’s Chihuahua with the bum paw is gonna know he can go after Sprague with no resistance.
Saturation: IF THAT’S HOW MUCH YOU CARE…
Two flyers in a three-to-four block area? C’mon, Plato. Sure, posting handbills to telephone poles is a drag, but aren’t we trying to save Christmas here? One would think a crusade of such merit might garner a little more effort.
Futility Factor: WE REPEAT, “NO FIGHT INSTINCT”
A cat named Neve Rosso Sprague indoor only? Get out! Good thing you mentioned it or we might’ve confused him with Chokes or Mayhem, or maybe that Russian Blue down the street called Arsenic.
Bonus Points/Additional Comments:
“Please help save our Christmas…” Yikes! Not the best pitch during what we’re told is a War on Christmas. The holiday is apparently being turned into a godless doom, and you’re using it to lean on people to find your cat.